My Life In Boxes
by Evablue
Summary: TommyKim A glimpse into Tommy and Kim's relationship following A Different Shade of Pink and right prior to The Letter. Yes, go ahead and say it: Another letter story!


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kimberly, Tommy or anything having to do with the Power Rangers.  
SUMMARY: Another letter story.  
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me.  
FEEDBACK: Pretty please...  
RATING: PG-13  
Thanks: To my amazing betas Alli and Kim, whom did a wonderful job of correcting some of my more garbled sections and gave me invaluable input. 

_When you love someone so deeply They become your life It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside Blindly I imaged I could Keep you under glass Now I understand to hold you I must open my hands And watch you rise   
- Mariah Carey, 'Butterfly´_

"You´ve reached Tommy Oliver. I´m not home right now or I'm just not answering my phone. If you leave a message I´ll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is because I´m supposed to be somewhere and I´m not already, I´m running late and I´m on my way now. If this is a brown eyed girl from Florida, I love you and I miss you."

She had her life in boxes. That's what it felt like nowadays. Her entire life was in neat, portable boxes. Her school career was stuffed under her bed. Her relationship with her boyfriend was packed into shoe boxes in her closest. Her friendships where all jammed into dusty hat boxes. And all the boxes were the slippery when wet kind whose lids slid off at the worst possible moments. 

There wasn't any time to open up the boxes, air out the contents and look them over with care. They came out in pieces, all carefully classified and categorized so that there was no space left in between for any mingling. Life wasn't supposed to be like that. Everything was supposed to clash and clang together so that they made one glorious, unorganized mess.

Most days she wished she could fit into a box. Maybe close her eyes and slide into a cardboard tomato carrier like it was a second skin. She could hide there. She could pretend there. Maybe she could even be selfish there.

__

"Hey Beautiful."

"Hey yourself." 

"How are you?"

"Ready to sleep for a month. You?"

"Exhausted. That last fight was brutal."

"You sound worried."

"I am. They keep getting stronger."

"Don't worry about it. You'll always come out on top."

"Well, not always."

"Tommy!"

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Say it again."

"I miss you."

Boxes and phone calls. Sometimes it was phone calls to family and friends but, mostly it was phone calls to her boyfriend. No, she didn't want to slide into a box and hide. She wanted to slide right into him. Like a warm bubble bath. He always smelled musky and clean at the same time. He made her feel safe with his strong arms and reassuring smile... He made her feel like a heroine in one of those trashy romance novels her mother used to read. If he lived down the street or the next town over, maybe even the next state over, she would have been sliding into him before the sun set.

But he didn't. He lived in California. She lived in Florida. And she was being selfish.

__

"Hi. Sorry I'm calling so late."

"Its alright. Let me guess. Business?"

"You guessed it."

"Remind me to send an angry memo to Zedd."

"Will do. How are you doing?"

"A little sore. Coach had all of us doing a lot today."

"Sorry to hear that. If I was there, I'd give you a nice long massage."

"God, that sounds heavenly."

"Close your eyes, Beautiful."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"Alright. They're closed."

"You're resting in a hot bath. White rose petals are scattered across the water, sticking to your skin."

"Someone's getting naughty."

"Shhh...Your eyes are closed."

"Like they're supposed to be now?"

"They better be. I come up from behind you and crouch. Then I gently rest my hands on your shoulders and begin slowly kneading the skin there. They're small, lazy movements that has you moaning in approval and washes away your stress lines."

"That sounds nice, Tommy."

"Carefully I move you to a sitting position, then I slide in behind you."

"With your clothes on?"

"No."

"When did you take them off?"

"They've been off."

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"Wasn't relevant."

"Sure it wasn't. To you."

"My legs curve around your waist and you lean back into me. I kiss the side of your neck as one of my hands curves around your..."

He told her to go to Florida because it was her dream. He wanted her to be happy. So she had gone, following what she had believed to be her heart. And, for the most part, it had made her happy. More than words could describe. But she was in so much pain, too. She didn't know pain like this existed till now. She was cut in half. Between the dream she'd had since she was a little girl and the man she had grown to love more than herself.

It wasn't fair to him. She kept him locked away from experiencing everything he might want. She kept him chained to her when she was thousands of miles away. When she was a monster of a phone bill away. He deserved more than that. He deserved Saturday night dates, early morning locker kisses and stupid fights over stupid things. She couldn't give him that no matter how much she wished she could. She was so busy all the time with gymnastics and completing high school that she could hardly miss those simple touches that came with a relationship, but Tommy could.

She knew what it was like on the front lines back in Angel Grove. She knew what being a ranger could do to you. It tied you up, tied you down and then it kicked you in the jaw for all of your sacrifice. It made you hunger for life in a way that others could barely understand. It made a person yearn for human contact and morning locker kisses more than anything. It made the day really empty without them.

She had kept it to herself easily enough, burying it under her bubbly airhead persona. But when she had first seen him it had cut her to the core. She hadn't realized how lonely and scathed being a ranger had made her. Then he had come around like a warm balm, soaking into her. Being a ranger because of him had become easier, as long as he had been there and it had to be the same way for him. And now he was where she had been before him. Lost. Lonely. Drowning.

She wasn't being fair to him.

__

"Hey Handsome."

"I love you."

"Don't I know it."

"No. Really. I love you."

"I love you, too. More than words."

"I just need you to know it."

"I do."

"And I miss you."

"Its hard."

"I know it must be. I can't even imagine. You're all the way in Florida with no one you really know and"

"No, not that. I mean, that's hard too. But I wasn't talking about that."

"What where you talking about?"

"Missing you."

Phone calls became less frequent as the months piled on top of each other. Letters became the staple of their relationship, holding them together when time became a very luxurious possession and phone calls became an improbable interlude. Slowly, they became another collection of objects representing her life that neatly fit into a box in her closest or under her bed.

__

Dear Tommy,  
How's thing´s been going with you? Everyone else? The Coach has been training us till we fall into our beds from sheer exhaustion at night. We´ve been sleeping, eating and breathing gymnastics. I´m even starting to dream about doing floor routines! Do you think that´s a bad sign? I´m just kidding,mostly. I´m being given the chance to follow my dream. What more could someone ask for, right?

This is going to sound funny but what I miss most sometimes is your smell. I have one of your shirts. You know, that one you gave one afternoon after we finished practicing some karate. Oh, more correctly, after you had taught me some karate. It had been cold and you gave your shirt without a second though. It still has the faint smell of your skin in its fabric and sometimes I hold it to me and close my eyes while I breath in the smell. It calms me and makes me feel closer to you, somehow. 

She didn´t like letters, though. She missed the personal aspect of their spoken exchanges and the lighthearted, warm banter that came with years of commitment and trust. She missed his voice and the way it carried over the phone line every single emotion he felt for her. The way it soothed away everything else. His letters never held that same saving grace. 

__

Dear Kimberly,  
How´ve you been? Everything´s been going as well as can be in AG. Business has been tough but we´ve all been able to hold it together pretty well. Tanya has turned out to be a great addition to thegroup. Adam and her have been spending a lot of time together. One more romance in the cockpit, huh? 

I miss you, Beautiful. Probably more than you know. This might sound crazy but when we all changed the way we 'dressed´ I was happy about more than just the upgrade in powers. Now that Kat´s outfit doesn't match your old one anymore I no longer, for split seconds, believe it is you underneath. More times than I can count when the helmets came off I always found it strange to see blonde hair instead of caramel brown. It seemed wrong to find another person, even one of my friends, wearing what I still thought of as your uniform. It's in those moments, where I realize all over again that you're gone, that I miss you so much it hurt

The letters never gained the same dipping pattern that had occurred to their phone calls. While the phone calls had slowly become less frequent and then less lengthy, the letters were inconsistent. Sometimes she would receive two in the same week and other times it would be weeks in between one letter. At times they would be carefully constructed dialogues to her, despite Tommy´s lack of natural writing skills, and other times it resembled a quickly jotted memo. She guessed it depended on the circumstances and restrictions being a hero placed on him.

__

Kimberly,  
Sorry I haven´t written to you in a couple of weeks. I´m sure you understand. You know the deal better than most would, right? Every time I went to write there would be a familiar, chiming interruption. And it looks like now isn´t an exception. I miss you, Beautiful.  
Love, Tommy

Not that she was less guilty. She woke up with his face still clouding her mind from one dream or another and she went to sleep later that night with his stuffed animal clutched in her hands. Yet, sometimes it was impossible to find a moment to write even the shortest of letters to him. Just like the letters he sent varied in consistency, hers did also.

She couldn't be selfish anymore. She had to dredge up her courage and do what was right. He deserved freedom. He deserved someone to be there for him when he needed them to be. He always tries to stay so strong and impenetrable, even when she had first met him. The time spent as leader of the Power Rangers had only cemented those characteristics as he became the glue that held the team together in crisis. He never would let down his walls for a single soul but her. But if she cut him loose he would have to do just that. 

Eventually. She knew he would. Maybe sooner than later. 

She already had a good idea of who would become the recipient of Tommy's precious trust and confidences. Kat would be there for him, picking up the pieces she would inevitably make of his heart and then he would love her. Kat would give him early morning locker kisses and have stupid fights over stupid things and go on dates with him on Saturday night. Kat would take care of him in the way that she couldn't.

__

"Hey Beautiful."

"Tommy! This is a pleasant surprise!"

"How's it going?"

"Alright. How about in Angel Grove?"

"Same as always. Monsters come, we fight them. They lose."

"I remember."

"Listen, I can't talk long. I just called to say I love you."

"I love you, too."

She sat at her desk for an hour, the pen unmoving in her numb hand. She was preparing to severe her heart from her body. It seemed so simple but her hand wouldn't steady every time she went to glide it across the paper. Brown eyes held her still and paralyzed, urging her to be selfish. To keep him just a bit longer. He loved her. He wanted to be kept, didn't he? No. It wasn't fair. She had to let him go. 

Tears fell unchecked as her shaking hand began to break her own heart. 

Dreams could never be kept.


End file.
